Wild curls dancing to the tune of the wind
by Vlindervin
Summary: Nico's scared of heights. I don't actually know how to summarize this. Solangelo


If you'd ask Nico di Angelo what his greatest fear is, he'd probably answer something among the lines of _I'm not afraid of anything_ or _People fear_ me, _I don't fear anyone._ And I suppose the last one can be seen as true to some extent. A lot of people _do_ fear him, or at least, they used to. And maybe Nico doesn't necessarily fear _people_ , but he isn't fear _less._ No one is. So, maybe the second statement can be taken as the truth, but the first one all but is.

When he was little, Nico feared the monsters he heard about in stories told by older kids. His sister would then tell him it was all nonsense and _monster don't exist, Nico, I promise._ And Bianca never lied so there was no reason to think she told anything but the truth, or so he thought. Turns out that was the first lie she told. The second was telling him she'd come back when she didn't.

When he got older and he was alone, he was scared of himself. Of the way he didn't understand _anything_ of what happened with him. Oh, he was _so, so scared._ Of the horrors he could conjure out of nothing, out of thin air, like it was no big deal, like _death_ was just something to be played with, to be used as a weapon. He thought that maybe if he didn't use it as a weapon, but as a way of bringing his sister back, it wouldn't be as bad, but he didn't succeed. And he was scared of the loneliness and the way he was so completely _alone_ in the world.

And when Percy saved him and looked like a hero doing so, Nico was afraid of the little flutter in his stomach. The little flutter that strongly resembled the feeling other people described as _liking someone, having a crush, being in love,_ and he didn't _get_ it. Because it wasn't supposed to be like this. When boys talked about it, it wasn't because of other boys. It was _never_ about other boys. It was always about the glistening of _that girl,_ the radiant smile of _another girl,_ but no boy ever talked about the sea-green eyes and bad jokes that made your nose crunch but laugh at the same time of _another boy._ So, he didn't understand anything. And when Nico didn't understand things, he wanted them to disappear, he wanted to dig a hole and bury those things deep, deep down the earth. Or, even better, burn them, so that there were only ashes left. White ashes, the opposite of how he felt. Maybe it would brighten him up too.

So saying he's not scared of anyone isn't completely right. He used to be scared of Percy, although it was more his feelings for Percy that scared him. And he's often scared _for_ people. Now that there are people he cares about and that care about him, he can't help but be scared that one day they're going to end up like Bianca. That something will happen to them, or that they'll realize that he's not worth all the trouble, that his act of darkness is not, in fact, an act, but the cold, hard truth. That inside he's off even worse than what he shows the world on the outside. They tell him they'll never leave, _I promise._ But he doesn't forget that that was what Bianca had told him too and she's left anyway.

Will tells him he cares about him and that it won't ever change and some days Nico lets himself believe that, lets himself just be with Will without worrying and simply enjoying his company, but that's not always possible. Sometimes his brain just transports him back to darker times, when the sun was nowhere to be seen, when he was all alone and had nothing and no one to keep him company and all he could give off was darkness, because all the love and light in his being was buried too deep inside to dig it out. He just didn't have the energy.

Most of his fears are pretty rational, considering where they come from and what he's been through. And they're fears that are slowly disappearing, if they aren't gone already. But there's this one thing no one knows about, one fear that's a little less rational. And maybe it has to do with how Zeus killed his mother and the rocky relationship his father and Zeus have. He doesn't know and he doesn't like it, but it's still there and it seems as if today is the day he'll have to face his fear.

Because his idiotic boyfriend is standing on the edge of a cliff at Camp Half-Blood for some reason. Just casually sitting there, seemingly not noticing the meters and meters he could fall down from and break his neck or die, getting his skull cracked open on the hard ground. How is he supposed to keep his promise and stay with Nico forever then?

The day started like any other day. Nico got up, ate breakfast, practiced his sword-fighting, all while not seeing any trace of Will at all. And normally, he at least sees him quickly at breakfast, or Will will take a break from his work at the infirmary to spend some time with Nico. But Will wasn't at the infirmary. His siblings said he had a day off, apparently. Nico didn't think much of it, until the sun already started setting and the sky turned white with a light pink tint. Nico started to worry, it had been too long, what if something happened to him? What if somehow a monster managed to enter Camp Half-Blood and Will had been unprepared? What if… Several scenarios spooked through Nico's mind, every image more gruesome than the last one. Not knowing what to do and desperate for answers, he decided to summon a skeleton to go look for Will and make sure he's okay.

Turns out he's on a hill. When Nico squints his eyes he thinks he can faintly make out a figure, shaped like Will. He can't really tell from where he's standing, actually, but it's mostly because he's so happy to have finally found him. When the happiness wears off, though, he realizes just _where_ Will is standing and a swipe of fear takes the happiness's place. His body goes rigid, he can hear his blood starting to thump in his ears when he imagines the view from up there. He can imagine it all too well, he even feels the ripping through his clothes, flesh and organs, almost making him fall down. His imagination is out of control.

He manages to steady himself, he closes his eyes and breathes in deeply, feels the quiet, grounding wind blowing down here, the steady feel of ground beneath his feet. He breathes out.

 _What the hell is Will doing there?_

Doesn't he realize how dangerous it is, that if he falls, he's dead. And that he _will_ break his promise to never leave Nico _ever._ That if he falls, Nico doesn't think he will survive it because it will be one more person he loved to go, one more person to break their promise and that that will cause Nico to lose himself in grief.

Nico never knew how reckless his boyfriend is.

But, what if he isn't being reckless? What if he actually wanted – But, no. He wouldn't, would he? Surely, Nico would've noticed if something was seriously wrong with Will?

But what if he wouldn't have? What if he was too busy feeling sorry for himself and grieving and feeling bad himself, to notice anything wrong with Will? If that's the case, and Will actually wants to jump, Nico will never forgive himself. He's just now realizing how selfish he's been while dating Will. Incredible, kind, wonderful Will. Full of light and love to give to the people around him. Always patient Will, who helped Nico through so many dark days where all he wanted was to do shut off the world and let the thoughts in his head go to maximum level. What if through all the time Will was giving Nico so much, Nico forgot to give back.

He doesn't think any longer, but makes a split decision and disappears in the shadows, only to pop up on the hill, ready to face Will and convince him if necessary.

The sun hits Nico first when he arrives, making him squint his eyes. And, yes, there he is. Will is standing at the edge of the cliff, with his arms stretched wide and his eyes closed. And if the situation wasn't the same, Nico would've reveled in how Will looks so beautiful like this. He has a peaceful expression on his face, his features all smoothed out. The strong wind is blowing his hair back and his wild curls are dancing to the tune of the air around them. It looks a little as if he's trying to communicate with the sun or God or the whole world at once. And it looks a little as if he's about to succeed. That's how powerful he looks.

But the situation _is_ different and Nico grabs Will's sleeve, pulls him back. Will's eyes snap open, the peacefulness on his face immediately wiped off. When he sees it's Nico, he furrows his eyebrows, but he lets himself be dragged backwards, away from the edge. When Nico decides they're far enough, he lets go.

'What the hell, Will!', he exclaims. His voice gets carried away by the wind and is delivered a little farther away where it echoes.

 _What the hell, Will!_

 _The hell, Will._

 _Hell, Will_

 _Will_

 _Will_

 _Will_

'What are you doing here, you idiot?', he yells. Before Will has the time to answer, Nico flings his arms around Will's neck and holds him tight. Will makes a surprised noise, but wraps his arms around Nico's waist anyway.

'I was so scared, gods, Will! Don't do things like this!', whispers Nico into the crook of Will's neck. Will strokes his back and is silent, probably not knowing what's happening.

After a while Nico pulls back and looks into the endless skies that are Will's eyes. 'Why are you here?', he asks, quietly and sincerely. 'You weren't thinking of – of', he drops his voice even lower, making it hard for Will to understand what he's saying. 'of jumping, were you?'

Will's eyes widen and he quickly shakes his head. 'No! No, of course not. Gods, Nico, of course I wasn't.'

Relief floods through Nico's body and he feels as if he hasn't properly breathed ever since that idea jumped in his head.

'What are you doing here then?'

'I was just, you know, looking for some quiet. Camp can get intense sometimes. I needed some time alone, you know?', Will shakes his head and his expression turned sad. 'I swear I wasn't thinking of jumping, Nico.'

'Good. Don't. So many people need you, Will. The infirmary is nothing without you, you're like, the only person that can calm Clarisse down, _I_ need you. I need you so much, you have no idea. And I – I love you, Will. I love you. So much.'

At Nico's words, Will's eyes soften. They've never said the word _love,_ not in words anyway, although they've both showed it through actions often enough. Will brings their mouths together and kisses Nico slowly and carefully. He holds onto Nico's head, one hand on each cheek. Nico lets the feeling of Will's lips against his, so gentle, always so gentle, take him to another world where everything is good and where he's not scared of anything; in which being with Will is as simple as breathing and that's it, there are no complications and he certainly isn't standing God knows how far from the ground.

When Will breaks the kiss, he smiles and it makes butterflies cheer in his stomach, like they do every time. He can't help smiling back, a small smile.

'I love you, too, Nico.', is all that Will says and his eyes are so earnest it feels like so much more than five little words. It feels like the longest and most romantic love letter in the history of humanity. It makes Nico want to laugh, cry, swing himself at Will again to kiss him until the world stops spinning, only he doesn't do any of those things because a strong blow of the wind suddenly hits them and makes Nico wobbly on his feet. He remembers where exactly they are and it's enough to make the feeling of ecstasy at Will's word disappear.

His smile falls away and he feels the blood draining from his face. Breathing is something he forgets how to do all of a sudden, it feels like there is something stuck in his throat, the air is unable to come through.

He puts a hand on Will's arm to steady himself because he doesn't think he would remain standing otherwise. His head is spinning and he closes his eyes in a desperate attempt to stop everything from turning. It doesn't really help, though. He can still hear the wind around him and the cliff calling for him, trying to drag him off it. He's so nauseous he thinks he's going to puke.

'Nico? Nico, what's wrong?', Will asks, concerned. All Nico can do is shake his head.

'Shit, you've got Acrophobia.' he runs a hand through his hair. 'Can you shadow travel us down?'

Nico nods. He's not sure he actually can, but he can try, at least.

'It's going to be fine, Nico. Don't worry, I'm here. Just try to shadow travel us down.'

Nico tries to focus solely on shadow traveling, he tries to feel the shadows and the darkness taking over and holds onto that feeling tightly. He clings to Will's arm as if it's the only thing keeping him alive and musters up enough energy and strength to get them on the ground. And, almost impossibly, he does.

When his feet hit the ground, he almost collapses was it not for Will to break his fall. 'You're okay, Nico. We're back down, it's okay. I – love you.', Will says quietly, his voice keeps Nico grounded and allows him to realize he's back on the ground.

He opens his eyes to look at Will and Will is already looking at him. His eyes are overflowing with concern. 'Are you okay?' he asks.

'Yeah', he whispers shakily. 'I'm okay now. I – love you too, by the way.'

Will's face breaks open in a bright smile and Nico's never been able to contain his smile when Will smiles like that. All bright and sunny and beautiful and so, so contagious. He thinks he'll never get tired of telling Will he loves him, _ever._


End file.
